Saturday, September 3, 2011

Dispelling DS Myths

I have been hearing a LOT of misinformation about the type of surgery I chose. I was going to write up a post on it, but someone from the ObesityHelp forums said it way better than I ever could. And so, with permission from the lovely Kirmy (the authoress), I present "Enough of the Bull poo poo ca caaaaaaaaa!"

If I have to hear again how I'm going to fall down dead in a puddle of my own diarrhea by another uninformed nit wit giving health advice to newbies I'm gonna stage a dirty protest in THEIR bathroom!

Once upon a time I thought the DS old timers were a little draconian in how they jumped all over idiots on the boards there by giving DSers a reputation akin to Attila the Hun. Now I get it! Having to argue against a tide of misinformation and deliberate deception is enough to make anyone want to crack heads! LEAVE IT OUT!

So once more for the road:

I shit twice a day. It goes like this: One big soft crap that empties the distal end of colon followed an hour later after coffee and toasted ham and cheese sandwich with another soft formed crap from the proximal end of my colon. This totally empties my colon....totally...i.e. there is utterly nothing left but a lone tumble weed rattling about and the sound of the "Good the Bad and the Ugly" playing. I then get about my chaotic lifestyle. Loads of DSers get constipation and need to take magnesium in big doses to crap daily.

The RNY has dumping and foamies to stop you from eating like a dick, The VSG has painful restriction that makes you want to explode like a toad in the sun if you over eat (I've got your VSG as the first part of my GI tract peoples), the lap band just makes eating anything difficult or not at all, or will eventually give you the motherfucker of gastritis anyway so eating is going to be a detractor for many . The DSers hot wired STOP button is diarrhea. How do I give myself diarrhea? Well I ingest say two donuts, a bowl of pasta and top if off with chocolate in large amounts and a milkshake, I'll have about 5-7 loose bowel motions over the next 8 hours. I know not to eat white processed carbs in large quantities but sometimes I think "ahhh fuck it" and have a night of terribleness. This happens once a fortnight maybe. I choose this it doesn't happen to me!

I eat several times a day because I'm body building allegedly although my arse is still 40cms down my thighs and swinging. My eating habits mirror the skinny people I know. I can eat in a restaurant like anyone else and not stand out as the person that can only eat three spoon fulls of food. I eat a small to medium portion size. An example of my daily diet is:

Coffee, full fat lacto free milk, x1 slice of toast, 1 tbl spoon of butter, three slices of ham, one tomato, melted cheddar cheese and diced onion. NOM! Then another coffee.

Morning tea:
Chicken leg , orange sliced. Protein shake (75gms protein) with half full fat cream and milk

Sirloin steak cooked in garlic butter and mushrooms, Cream sauce if I can be arsed. Potato if I can fit it in

Afternoon Tea:
Packet of crisps or corn-chips, guacamole dip, more coffee decaf. Milk and cream

Usually a chicken or prawn curry. Tonight I'm making Mogul lamb with basmati rice and salad.

Chocolate and a decaff coffee, an apple or banana

Late snack:
Cheese slices and ham.

Am I a glutton? Nope. Anyone reading that and coming to the conclusion that that is an excessive amount to eat has food issues they need to closely look at. If by eating in a normal adult grazing and main meal pattern smacks of gluttony then I'm a glutton...a happy contented glutton. It is really hard to maintain a life of austere restriction. Food is beautiful and a celebration and I for one want to love eating not live in fear of food as the enemy. It nourishes me both physically and emotionally. I want to enjoy it for the rest of my life.....simple! If you (like the Royal We) need to diet to feel good then bang on. I won't. I can't keep that shit up.

So why then are all DSers being painted as shit smeared vitamin deficient anorexics or compulsive eating hysterics? I'm not! I don't know anyone that is and I've been active on the boards for about three years or more. I remember one women who had to be revised because of their weight loss being too extreme. That is three out of thousands of people that pass through this forum each day. I don't hear DSers screaming that all RNY folk are laying about in a bubble of foam unconscious with reactive hypoglycemia. I don't hear DSers telling VSG patients they are living on borrowed time and that their stomachs will rupture or they'll stretch to the size of the moon. OK we give lap bands a kicking cause many are revised from a lap band or have had terrible personal experiences due to them. For me my sister had massive esophageal erosion and her band slipped up and almost ruptured the upper aspect of her stomach. I would never tell anyone to get this surgery....ever!

Let me be clear that different surgeries exist to meet different needs. Surgeons are making money off us. Misinformation is easier to spread then good surgical intervention that may cost extra theater time and expense. Look deeper then throw away comments made by so called "experts". As a Nurse Practitioner I've heard some serious bullshit bandied about by surgeons and Physicians in my time so the "experts" are just as clouded with prejudice as anyone else. Medical misinformation is usually surrounding any procedure dealing with politically hot topics. The fact that 50% of UK and US people are projected to be morbidly obese by 2030 should get your antenna wobbling. There is LOTS AND LOTS of money to be made off us fat bastards. Doing three RNY's to one DS or Three VSG's to one DS is financially more sensible isn't it? Why would I tell you to get a DS then when you're going to cost me £22000 in lost patient revenues for one day? and understand.

I am healthy to the point of being an athlete now. I don't smell, I'm not a glutton, I don't hate you because you're not having the same surgery as me. Just don't piss on my gate and then tell me not to come and crap in your flowers.

Nu ff Said. Enjoy your day and pass the butter please.

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